Example: *setting the scene- Mommy carrying Reid out to the car in the garage, hands and mind full of life*
Mason "Mommy are we leaving?" (he is following me out to the car)
Mommy "No Mason"
Mason "Where are we going"
Mommy "No where, we are not leaving"
Mason "What are you doing"
Mommy "Getting something from the car"
Mason "What are you getting"
Mommy "My make up"
Mason "Where are we going?"
Mommy "Nowhere Mason, I am just getting my make up out of the car."
I am thinking while writing this, that is not an unusual conversation, unless it happens 500 hundred times a day. Maybe if I beat him to it and give him a play by play on everything I do, including what my motives are and what it really is that I am doing, I can intercept his curiosity. Worth a try I would say.
I have to tell myself to stop and remember the miracle that God has given us each day that Mason thrives and grows into a young boy. He is a witness to God's grace and perfect healing. Mason melts our hearts with his silly antics and is a busy joy to be around. I have to tell myself when I am feeling overwhelmed that this predicament with all talking, all the questions, and all the being silly is much more beautiful and wonderful than the alternative that we were faced with 4 years ago (I am certain on this day we 4 years ago we were still in the NICU and not certain whether our baby would thrive in today's world).
This year I really paid attention to the time leading up to, during, and after his birthday. I had vivid memories of when my labor started (including the fall on the walk around the block), my labor in the dark hospital room throughout the night, my anticipation for his older brother, his sweet birth and moments afterwards of contemplation knowing something was not quite right,
the moment when he was whisked away with so many unanswered questions, the crazy emotions that followed. I am still living in those moments four years ago when time stood still in a one way street to and from the hospital, concentrating only on health stats and making milk for my sweet man. I think it is healthy to process and remember those times, and I think I will probably continue this in 2010-11 remembering through his first year as each month passes, thinking about the milestones we reached in year one~ monitors that were part of his outfit from 0-3 months, his extreme head turn, crazy all night EEG, home therapists and therapy, MRI's, crazy medicine that I swear could sedate a horse, perfect nursing, crawling, loving his brother, walking, talking, singing and being all boy.
black void in the lower part of his brain is the brain matter that turned to fluid, never to be regenerated. Spans from mid-section to side of his scalp. White fuzzies in the void are deposits that had formed with healing. All of these things Mason has overcome!
And now that I have realized that this post took a turn I was not expecting I will have to finish tomorrow, last night's 1am scream session with Reid is kicking in on my thought processes!